I think it's called being lost. But I'm sure there must be something more eloquent than that.

Ell4iot and I broke up in June, if you've been wondering where all this heartbroken, semi-horrid poetry is coming from. I feel like life has really shit on me in the past month or so--like I'm not sure where I'm going anymore, or who I am, or what I want, or what I should be. How I should feel.

I am constantly relating my life to episodes of the Gilmore Girls--the one I'm thinking of right now is the very last episode ever, in season 7. Rory pulls out the rocket that Logan gave her when he left for London which was supposed to symbolize that he would love her forever. Lorelai asks Rory how she's doing, and Rory replies "it comes in waves". That's how I feel about my life right now, in general. Most days, I do just fine and I don't even realize that I'm broken and in pain, and then I wake up one day, and I realize that my heart has exploded into tiny pieces all over the country and I don't even know where to begin looking for the pieces again. I've felt so lost for the past two years--so out of touch with who I really am (or was, or am becoming). I think the moment I stopped writing poetry was the moment I stopped remembering who I was. And now I'm trying to purge these feelings from my body, but I don't know where to look for something else to put inside to fill that void. Where did I go? I hope it's somewhere nice where I can cross-country ski. Who needs Hawaii, anyway?